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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821693">Once and For All</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_nickname/pseuds/random_nickname'>random_nickname</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:15:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,912</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_nickname/pseuds/random_nickname</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Riordan drops the news on how to slay the Archdemon, the Warden has a serious talk with Alistair on the nature of their relationship. Moments later Morrigan presents her offer. Feeling betrayed and heartbroken, female city elf Warden stumbles upon Zevran whom she invites for an evening duel to blow off some steam.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Once and For All</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    The first blow came from Alistair. She only did what he asked of her. He said he wanted to be a king and she helped him become one. She was never fluent in the ways of politics, never really understood all of its subtleties and yet she got herself involved. For him. And that’s when he left her.</p>
<p>    The second blow was Morrigan's. Her offer was too much, it was… unnatural. Twisted and disgusting. To beget a child with a Grey Warden only to capture a soul of the Old God? Obviously, she couldn’t impregnate anyone, so it had to be Alistair. The very same Alistair that had just broken up with her. Everything about this idea made her sick. And that’s why Morrigan left.</p>
<p>    Cithrael was left alone. The sound of crackling wood burning in the fireplace filled the room. She stared at it silently while mulling over what had happened. It’s quite funny how the world can fall apart in just a few seconds, and it’s even funnier that the stakes were never higher, yet, here she was, on the verge of a breakdown. And if there ever were a need for her to be calm and focused it was now.</p>
<p>    Truth be told she wasn’t surprised that Morrigan left. It stung, but she knew the witch would not hesitate to leave if things don’t go her way. But Alistair… What he did was reasonable, yet, she hoped for… For what exactly? Didn’t Wynne warn her about falling in love with a companion? What made matters worse is this <em> companion </em>turned out to be an heir to the throne and, quite unexpectedly, one willing to sit on it. There was no place in this picture for her, a city elf with no ties to nobility and a Grey Warden on top of that.</p>
<p>    If only the heart would be so kind as to listen to the voice of reason…</p>
<p>    A single tear that wet her cheek was what broke her out of trance. She quickly wiped it away and hurriedly left the room. As much as she wanted to lay down and cry her heart out, it wasn't what she could do, at least not yet.</p>
<p>    She ran into Zevran and that’s when an idea popped up - she could use a little warm up before tomorrow’s battle and it would definitely keep her mind occupied. </p>
<p>    “Would you mind a duel or two for a good night’s sleep?” She tried to sound as casual and carefree as possible.</p>
<p>    “Getting a little anxious before tomorrow, are we?” He smiled playfully at her.</p>
<p>    “Aren’t you?”</p>
<p>    “I don’t usually go around slaying archdemons, so yes, I am a little nervous. And yes, a duel might help me release some of that tension. Although I can think of a dozen other activities that could help even more.”</p>
<p>    They went outside Arl Eamon’s estate and into the sparring grounds. It was already quite late, so there were no soldiers practicing and they had it all to themselves. Some time ago she asked Zevran to teach her how to be an assassin, so it wasn’t unusual for the two of them to duel each other. Cithrael was no stranger to the rough fighting style - alienage elves didn’t care about fairness and elegance, they cared about survival. That’s why she quickly picked up how to exploit weaknesses and where to strike to do more damage. Now she did all that with cat-like agility and deadly precision.</p>
<p>    Zevran threw a wooden sword at her. She instinctively caught it and gave him a questioning look.</p>
<p>    “Surely you didn’t think we’d use real weapons tonight? I might be frivolous, but I am not stupid.” he said grinning at her.</p>
<p>    But apparently she was since she was about to draw her dagger from a sheath on her thigh when he threw the sword. “I am not thinking straight. He’s obviously right. Wounding yourself in a mock-up fight right before the big day would be the dumbest thing to do.” she scolded herself.</p>
<p>    “Whenever you’re ready.” Zevran was already in a combat position waiting for her. She shook off all the thoughts still lingering in her head and nodded at him.</p>
<p>    Zevran stroke first. She dodged, but he kept going after her, so the first moments of their fight were mostly her trying to not get hit. When she finally had a chance to get back at him, she struck aiming for his thigh. He took a quick step back but not before he grabbed one of her wrists and pulled her to the right making her stumble a little. What kind of crazy move was that? But there was no time to dwell on it, because Zevran immediately took advantage of her imbalance and soon she felt the wooden weapon poking at her neck.</p>
<p>    “I take it you didn’t see that coming.” he said with a laugh.</p>
<p>    “One more time.” she ordered.</p>
<p>    He pulled the same trick, but this time grabbed her hair. Oh, how she hated him for this. She demanded another rematch and the third time she ended up face down on the ground.</p>
<p>    “Too bad you didn’t fight like this when we first met.” she mocked him angrily.</p>
<p>    “Is that your way of asking for another round?” He chuckled.</p>
<p>    “Make it the last one.”</p>
<p>    This time she channeled all her anger and disappointment into the fight. She recalled Morrigan yelling at her:</p>
<p>    <em> “Then you are a fool! I will not stand by and watch you waste this opportunity. Die, if you feel it is worthwhile. Or be overshadowed, I care not.” </em></p>
<p>    Oh please, she was already dying! It was a slow death, a taint creeping inside of her, hideous voices whispering in her dreams, calling her. And then one day, when she won’t be able to take it anymore, she’ll descend into the Deep Roads for the final battle of her life. She was a fool for thinking she had a chance at a happy life. In fact that ship has sailed when she killed people of the Howe estate just before she became a Grey Warden.</p>
<p>    <em> “I love you. More than I ever thought possible, but… I have to face what it means. I can’t run away from it any more.” </em></p>
<p>Alistair… Did he really love her? A murderer, a thief and an elf? Or was it just an infatuation? She wanted to believe his words more than anything, but it just hurt so much when some part of her was throwing accusations for being too stupid to trust a human.</p>
<p>    A flood of memories flashed through her mind. How goofy and awkward he was, how he made her laugh and always cared for her. All the intimate moments they shared…  Tears started to well up in her eyes. </p>
<p>    She made him king! She helped him become the man he was today! He couldn’t even find the courage to talk to his own sister until she convinced him to! Oh Maker, the nerve of this man!</p>
<p>    Lost in her thoughts she lowered her guard and that’s when Zevran managed to get behind her and, again, put the wooden sword to her throat.</p>
<p>    “Why don’t you take your chance and fulfill your contract once and for all?” she hissed through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>    “I don’t think this offer still stands since my employer is now ten feet under ground, thanks to you.” he whispered into her ear right before releasing her. “And I don’t think I deserve that anger of yours.”</p>
<p>    She lowered her eyes ashamed that she snapped at him like that. He had already proven himself in many battles before, had he still wanted to kill her, he would have done it long ago in much more favourable conditions.</p>
<p>    “I am sorry.” said Cithrael. “For saying that and for dragging you out here while you should be taking a rest.”</p>
<p>    “I accept. Though I agreed to come here with you, so no need to apologize for that.”</p>
<p>    She smiled faintly.</p>
<p>    “Thank you.” was all she was able to say.</p>
<p>    “So, would you like to spend the night here with the glorious Ferelden sky above your head or would you rather we retire to our chambers and sleep like the proper nobles we never were and never will be? Although nights can be rather chilly this time of year, so I would advise you not to choose the sparring grounds.”</p>
<p>    “How do you do this?” she asked him suddenly.</p>
<p>    “How do I do what, exactly?” Zevran answered with a question.</p>
<p>    “We can all die tomorrow.”</p>
<p>    “Wouldn’t be the first time.”</p>
<p>    “I just feel…” Cithrael stopped mid-sentence. There really was no point in dwelling on that. What’s done is done. If she survives tomorrow, she will remain a Grey Warden and move on to fulfill another mission. She will not see Alistair or Morrigan or any other companions, unless they decide to remain by her side.</p>
<p>    “What will you do once we slay the Archdemon?” she asked.</p>
<p>    “I’d rather not think about it until we’re done with it. Chances are I won’t have to worry about it at all.” he laughed like it was an everyday thing to imagine one’s death. “Say, my Warden, what made you all so worked up? I have a feeling it’s not entirely about tomorrow.”</p>
<p>    “Zevran, I don’t want to be alone tonight, I’m scared and my heart aches so much I want to rip it out of my chest, please do not leave me alone, I don’t know what to do, I don’t think I can sleep tonight.” All these thoughts crossed her mind, but she immediately felt ashamed for thinking them. </p>
<p>    “Cithrael?” he asked with concern in his eyes. She felt his hand lightly touching her arm as if to reassure himself she’s there. “I think it’s best we go back in there.”</p>
<p>    He was about to start walking towards the estate when she grabbed his arm and looked at him with despair in her eyes.</p>
<p>    “Don’t… don’t go…” she muttered under her breath.</p>
<p>    “My dear, it’s getting dark, we need to go inside.” he said calmly while covering her hand with his. “I will take you to the castle and we can go find Alistair...” he stopped when he saw her face fell. “Oh. So it’s about goldilocks then.”</p>
<p>    She nodded sadly. The assassin started dragging her towards the castle and she obeyed. Silence fell upon them. They were walking down the empty corridor, light of the torches flickering as they passed by and the sound of their footsteps echoing off the walls. Cithrael felt bad for having a moment of weakness and she was angry with herself that the events of the day shook her up so much. And she felt shame for acting vulnerable in front of Zevran, even though back at the moment she was grateful he was there with her.</p>
<p>    Once they were in her chambers, she expected Zevran to leave at once, but to her surprise he was visibly hesitating to leave.</p>
<p>    “I wish I knew what to tell you to make you feel better, I truly do.” he said in a low voice. “Just know that I’ll be there tomorrow fighting at your side if you’ll have me.” </p>
<p>    Cithrael gave him a faint smile and squeezed his hand for goodbye. For a moment she regretted it was not Zevran she loved, for something was telling her he would have not left her the way Alistair did. </p>
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